Pauli Poisuo is a Cracked weekly columnist and freelance editor. Body painting has been around for a long time, although it just recently decided to make a comeback -- and we couldn't be more thankful for that. A couple of bonus pictures have been added to the gallery beneath this paragraph in order to reflect this embarrassment of camel toe riches. Two guesses as to which of those this column will be about. That's , a humble taekwondo practitioner from Tonga, who led his troops in the Maracana stadium wearing little more than a ta'ovala waist mat and several barrels of baby oil. What's even better is when some of the sports world's greatest girls decide to let it all loose then cover up with some color.
In Adam Tod Brown's of this article, it became apparent that the Olympic swimming events often feature graphics that censor the male participants' Speedos and their preparations into porn. Get the inside scoop on the 2016 Olympics in , and learn all the unsexy details of the Olympics in. That, friends, is the exact expression of pained conflict you'd all make if you were to receive some welcome surprise oral, only to suddenly remember that your arms are currently the only thing that's preventing two times your body weight in unforgiving iron from crushing both yourself and your benefactor. It's almost as if a sport about a bunch of burly men in the tiniest of swimming trunks aggressively wrestling each other for ball control lends itself well to accidentally compromising imagery.
If you had to guess the sport where the most gentle and sensual photo of the entire Rio Olympics comes from, you'd probably say something like gymnastics, beach volleyball, or skeet shooting. Nothing to write home about, but alright. That's why we've put together this list of some of the greatest body paint pictures the sports world has to offer. See, this is one of those jokes that, with just a slight tweaking, is actually on everyone except themselves. Hey, speaking of facial expressions! I've been kayaking a few times, and it's fine.
Yet here we are in the men's Greco-Roman wrestling semifinals, watching as two competitors cease their struggle to suplex each other to oblivion in order to embrace in a sensuous slow dance. We've been treated to images of unbelievable triumph. So take a look at the gallery below, where a couple extra camel toe pictures hot off the presses have been added for your viewing pleasure. Look at the expression of barely concealed terror on the guy's face: Hee. .
However, looking at this picture of an Austrian K1 kayak slalom competitor, it's increasingly apparent to me that there's some strange, sexy hidden point of pleasure to this canoe sport that I've been missing. Thousands and thousands of photographers have been shooting the Olympics for two weeks straight, and the pictures they've unleashed upon the world have been amazing. However, the interplay of these poses makes it look for all the world like the official's attempting to woo the judo guy by casually ass-slapping him, and that the hulking athlete who could easily break him in two reacts by literally jumping out of his clothes. We've witnessed majestic physiques, effortless movement, skillful coordination -- and strange bungled moments that look less like professional athleticism and more like low-budget amateur porn. Clearly, this man has found it, as he's enjoying his kayak very much. We've seen heartbreaking loss captured in time.
Tonga was clearly going for tongue-in-cheek sexy here, but what they accidentally created is a scene straight out of a submissive person's embarrassment fantasy. And if you happen to be a camel-toe-weary female athlete reading this, you should know that swimmers and, uh, professional wrestlers seem to be the vocations most at risk for new incidences of camel toe. Subscribe to our channel to see why we're glad it isn't the 1980 Olympics in , and watch other videos you won't see on the site! What you definitely wouldn't say is wrestling, a sport more associated with grunting, spandex wedgies, and unfortunate crotch shots than softcore erotica. You can practically hear the yelp. Also follow us on , because what's best for Cracked is best for America.
The judoka is celebrating his victory, and the official is merely awarding him the match by signaling away the evil spirits of the underworld who, by Olympic tradition, get to eat all the losers. What really makes this one for me is the athlete's face. Sometimes, it's less about the unfortunate timing of a shot and more about the way it's framed. You can definitely picture the man-shaped hole in the wall as the judo dude escapes the hall, while the official embarks in a long Looney Tunes chase, Pepe-le-Pew-style.
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